


Time May Change Me

by orphan_account



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: 1970s, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Birthday, Drabble, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, F/F, F/M, Fluff, Friendship, Hogwarts, Hogwarts Era, Humor, Hurt/Comfort, I'm still not sure who I want to be trans but I definitely want at least two people, M/M, MWPP, MWPP Era, Marauders, Marauders Era (Harry Potter), Mutual Pining, Pining, Pranks and Practical Jokes, Trans Lily Evans Potter, Trans Sirius Black, and fuck JKR, because trans rights, possibly, tags will be added as I go along I tried to keep it organized but I don't know what I'm doing, wolfstar
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-09
Updated: 2020-07-20
Packaged: 2021-03-05 02:55:28
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,625
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25157359
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: In which Peter has anger issues, James always knows more than he's letting on, and Remus and Sirius couldn't possibly be in love with each other, because that simply was not allowed. Among many other issues.***A series of drabbles and oneshots meant as character studies while I research for a full length marauders fic. I'll be doing a lot of these as long as my motivation stays up.CONTENTS:1. Birthday Boy {Peter} (minor wolfstar // minor jily)2. Lonely {Remus} (wolfstar)3. Love {James} (minor wolfstar // minor jily)4. Prank {Lily} (minor jily)
Relationships: James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 2
Kudos: 21





	1. Birthday Boy {Peter}

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peter was a proper, fully-fledged marauder. It was about time people started acknowledging that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW underage drinking and mildly violent thoughts.  
> Please let me know if you have any uncommon or specific triggers that you'd like to be warned about.

This was ridiculous. Bloody ridiculous. Peter was a marauder, for Godric’s sake! He contributed to the group just as much as any of the others. He had been there before any of the others- befriended James before even Remus had warmed up to the lot. He had been there longer than Lily- she hated them, at first! But there he was, sitting in the common room, all alone. For the thousandth time in the past seven years. He was damn well tired of it. Tired of always being left out, the last to be told of anything, the last to be listened to. He’d done so much for the others. Who came up with their biggest prank in fifth year, the one that made all of the slytherins hiccup pink bubbles? Granted, James had gotten the specifics of it after Peter accidentally hexed himself while taking a bath- but still! Who always got Moony’s Arithmancy notes after a full moon? Or helped Sirius and Prongs with their homework whenever they bunked off to practice quidditch or flirt with girls? That was, until James finally got Lily, and Padfoot and Moony paired off- but they still bunked off to play quidditch and do other things. Whatever those things were, they didn’t invite him. Hell, he’d been the one to come up with the idea to tell everyone they were taking a vow of silence in protest of that old prank store in Hogsmeade closing down, when they had to hold mandrake leaves in their mouths for a month while becoming animagi. That had worked right well, they’d even gotten the store to stay open thanks to intervention from Dumbledore, who surely knew what they were really doing and said nothing.

So, overall, it was safe to say that Peter was indignant to be left alone while everyone else did more important things together. More than indignant. Outraged! That lot had never treated him right- not since the beginning, when Prongs and Padfoot became best friends, and Padfoot decided that Peter was beneath him, and Moony was just too smart for Peter to keep up. They’d always made it clear that they were better than him, better without him, and he’s put up with it all these years! Why? He’d thrown his bloody life away, for a bunch of people who didn’t give two bollocks about him. He could have made other friends. There were plenty of slytherins who liked him just fine, even if he was a marauder, just for his pureblood status. And plenty of other people who liked him just for being him. He was nice, damn it. Even if he wasn’t the cleverest, or most charismatic, he was still perfectly fun to be around. He did pranks too, he flirted with girls too. He was a marauder too. And now, like every other marauder beside him had done a thousand times over, he was putting his foot down. This was just too much. They had all left him high and dry, without a word- _on his birthday_.

They’d been ignoring him and leaving him out for months now, always whispering, glancing around, never letting him in on whatever big prank they were clearly planning. He bet they forgot about his birthday altogether.

He was going to find them, and he would damn well give them a piece of his mind. Only, he had no idea where they were. And they had taken the map with them. Smugly, Peter pulled out his wand, waving it a bit too aggressively.

“Accio marauder’s map.”

That would show them- having their precious little map taken from them. He’d done a lot to contribute to that, too. Found plenty of nooks and crannies and secret passages to add in his animagus form, because he could get away with it, unlike the others. They needed him. Where would they be without him?

Peter stood for a few minutes, stewing, waiting for the map to arrive before it hit him. They had put anti-summoning charms on the damn map, after Snape tried to take it from Sirius one year and ended up with a broken nose. Padfoot ended up with two weeks’ detention. As if that ever did anything, Peter scoffed to himself. That lot got detention all the time. So did he, but that was beside the point. They were far too aggressive for his taste. Though he didn’t have abundant wit, he found that most problems could simply be solved with a bit of wit, and charisma if there was any to spare. Prongs and Padfoot (and Moony, though he rarely got caught- Sirius always took the fall for him) often resorted to some sort of violence or hexes rather than talking things out, as they should. They were purebloods, for Godric’s sake, they should know better.

No calmer than he had been when he decided to go after the others, Peter swung open the door to their room with force, stalking down to the common room. He was not to be trifled with. He would show those tossers- all of them, even stupid Lily and her muddy little friends. Peter could practically feel the steps shake with his anger and he trod down, and he entered the common room in a fury. No one would mess with him ever again! Not after this! He might even hex the first person he saw, just to make sure everyone stayed out of his way.

Raising his wand, Peter stepped into the common room, and--

“Surprise!”

Pettigrew’s rage fell away instantly, and he nearly dropped his wand from the shock. There they were- all of his friends. The gryffindor common room was nearly full to bursting. He even thought he saw some slytherins he played chess with, in the back, and some hufflepuffs and ravenclaws from his classes as well, and nearly every gryffindor student above fifth year. Some younger ones had managed to sneak in, as well. Mary MacDonald and Marlene McKinnon were there, off to the side, beaming at him. And there, front and center, were his best friends. James, Sirius, and Remus. Lily was there, too, which he didn’t quite mind in that moment. All bore gifts of sweets and drinks, chocolate and tarts and bottles of firewhiskey. He stood in stunned silence as they all began a very loud, very out of sync rendition of “happy birthday”, ending with raucous applause as they presented him with a messy cake. Prongs had baked it, he could tell the moment he saw it. James was never one for baking. Realising that he had been standing in complete silence the whole time, Peter let his face split into a grin, and blew out the candles that were nearly falling out of the cake. This was met with another round of applause, and most people’s attention turned away from him for the festivities. James stepped around and clapped him hard on the back, beaming wide.

“Happy birthday, Wormy! Took you proper long to get down here, we began to think you’d never come down those stairs. Good think Lil enchanted the candles not to melt, eh?”

Peter, who hadn’t quite recovered yet from the emotional shift, only nodded. Sirius took this as a queue to mean that, surely, Peter wanted the drinks to get pouring. He summoned some shot glasses and began distributing firewhiskey, while Lily gave Peter one of the warmest hugs he’d received in what felt like a long time.

“Happy birthday, Peter!”

When she let go, Remus nodded at him as well.

“Happy birthday.”

Other partygoers had begun taking it upon themselves to distribute cake and drinks, and Marlene and Mary joined the lot, each hugging Peter and wishing him a happy birthday as they took their drinks from Sirius. Peter downed his shot with a dopey grin, looking around at the decorated common room. Everything was red and gold, as was the usual business- it was gryffindor common room, after all. But there were streamers and lights and little quidditch and chess themed decorations everywhere- cheese decorations, too, which he assumed the other marauders had managed to play off as an inside joke. 

“Alright, Wormtail?”

Peter turned his attention to James, and Sirius and Remus, who were all looking at him a bit curiously. Apprehension, he realized.

“Yeah, I love it!” he said quickly, “Bloody hell, I thought you lot had forgotten! I was coming down here to give you all a piece of my mind.”

He laughed the idea off, but when the others laughed, it left a bitter taste in his mouth that wasn’t from the whiskey. How ridiculous they must have thought that was. Little Wormy, standing up for himself.

“We’d never forget you, Wormtail. You’re a marauder! Before anyone else. You’re our best friend, of course we wouldn’t forget your bloody birthday.”

Remus nodded vigorously, already a bit red in the face. He’d probably not waited for the party to start before he started drinking. Sirius, again, took everything as a sign to pour another round of shots, and they all downed them with varying levels of experience.

“Hell,” Prongs said suddenly, “and how could we have forgotten your seventeenth birthday? You’re of age, now, Wormy, my boy. Finally caught up to us! Have to have a proper celebration, for that.”

Sirius went to pour another round, but Moony elbowed him.

“Enough of the booze, right now, eh?”

“Never.” Sirius smirked at Remus, who stared right back with a false scowl, and Peter could practically see them making out with their eyes. Ugh. He was glad for the crowd at least- kept the dogs at bay. Always all over each other in the dorm. Not that Lily and James were any better, and unlike Pad and Moony, they had no reason to hide it.

Peter’s attention was drawn to Lily, who pulled out a little red box. She must have been keeping it for the others, they knew she was far more organized and less likely to lose it to any of them. She handed it to James, who was next to her, and he held it out to Peter.

“From all of us,” he said, “the marauders, plus Lily and Mary and Marlene.”

Peter took the box carefully, and cast grateful looks around at the lot. Bloody hell. He felt proper bad, now. Here he was thinking they were the worst friends in the world, and they had forgotten him, when it was actually the opposite. They all cared and loved him so much. He was coming of age, and by the size of the box… surely they hadn’t? His parents must have a pocket watch just waiting to be sent by owl, some family heirloom. But a new one, right from his friends… No. His parents would never allow it, he'd have to keep whichever one was in the family. It would be awful having to return the watch to his friends.

Slowly, Peter cracked open the box, nerves doubling with each passing second. The moment it was open, before he even looked, he smelled it. It couldn’t be-

“Cheese?! You got me bloody cheese?!”

Peter stared down into the box, aghast, and everyone around him seemed to have a good laugh about it. His best friends had gotten him cheese for his coming of age. What absolute rubbish.

“Don’t be shy, Wormtail, take a little bite!” Sirius wheezed it out between laughs, and Peter shot him a deadly glare. Fine. That’s what they always wanted, after all. Make a fool of him. Make him the butt of the joke.

Picking up the slab of cheese- camembert, it must be, from the smell, and he was at least grateful that it was a good cheese- he took a small bite. Instantly, he felt magic rush through him, and everything heightened and felt absolutely wonderful.

“Well?” Remus asked, being the first to have stopped laughing.

“What was that? What’s in this?” He almost took another bite, but something stopped him, telling him to save it.

“Felix felicis,” Moony said, grinning, though from booze or happiness for his friend Peter didn’t know, “we managed to make it into the cheese. Was proper shit to get it working, and took hell to brew the potion- six months going, you can thank Lily for keeping us from mucking it up- but we just managed to get it right in time.”

“We figured your parents would get you a pocket watch,” James stepped in, “so we thought we’d get you something a bit more useful. And fun. Use it how you like, but probably don’t waste any more tonight.”

“We got some cheese filled with firewhiskey, too, and some with muggle booze, while we were practicing. You can have those as well. Or what’s left of them, at least.” Sirius grinned at him.

“D’you like it?” James seemed a bit concerned now, by Peter’s silence, which he must have taken as something being wrong. Peter turned the cheese around in his hand, staring down at it, before looking up at the group. They all watched him, nervous now.

His face split into a grin.

“I love you lot.”

He threw his arms around the three boys and pulled them in for a big hug, even dragging Lily in as well, which of course resulted in Mary and Marlene inviting themselves into the hug. Peter didn’t mind. He hugged all of them, and they all laughed and hugged back, and all of Peter’s rage from before completely left his mind.

Of course these people were his friends. Of course they loved him, and cared about him. They were marauders, for Godrick’s sake. They were all his best friends. They would never let him down. And in that moment, he swore to himself, that he would watch his anger, that he would communicate the same way he wished they would.

He swore that he would never let them down.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I haven't written in years, not counting the tedgens fic I wrote a few months ago. Constructive criticism gladly accepted.


	2. Lonely {Remus}

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remus Lupin had a very lonely childhood. The marauders helped him change that- one marauder, in particular.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW brief mention of domestic abuse.
> 
> No proof reading we die like men.

Remus Lupin was a lonely boy.

Anyone could see it just looking at him. It was surely part of who he was, by now. How could you forget eleven years of isolation, not having friends, no one but your parents and the occasional guests for company?

He didn’t blame his parents for it. They were trying so hard, he knew. He was a lot of work, and they had to care for and love him dearly to manage to put up with him. Even when they weren’t dealing with his furry little problem, Remus was a force to be reckoned with for most. He had a temper on him- got it from both of his parents. They were quick to anger, quick to snap, but never at him. They had never yelled at him, not once in his life. They were proper good parents. Other people had it far worse, even without the little monthly that he had.

Still, it was hard, growing up without friends. He read a lot. His parents played with him, when they could, but they always had so much work to do. His father, especially. Always out, always working, home late and tired and straight to bed without so much as dinner. It made Remus sad. He didn’t know what was wrong, his parents tried to shelter him. He knew his father kept things from him. His mother knew little more than he did. Lyall Lupin was a secretive man. But he only wanted to protect them.

Remus wished he could protect his parents the way they fought so hard to protect him. Especially his father. He could already protect his mother- he told her as much, when he was little. She was so big and strong, but her heart was so soft that it made her seem like a little flower. He had to keep her safe, protect her from being picked or stepped on. In his mind, at least. Hope Lupin was a very capable woman, but she allowed her son to feel like he was the one protecting her. She loved him too much to dare risk making him sad. He’d suffered through so much already. So had she, though she would never show him. Maybe she really did need him to protect her, the same way his father did.

But his father had no one protecting him. That much he knew for a fact. If his father was being protected, then why was he always so tired? So weighed down? Remus didn’t know about the war, but he always knew his father was sad. Sometimes he would come home and just hold his mother, and they would cry, and he would ask what was wrong and they would just hold him and cry, too. No one ever explained. They wanted to protect him. He wished he could protect them instead.

Though Remus eventually grew, and understood his parents’ pain, and knew he couldn’t protect them any more than he could protect himself, that instinct remained. His instinct to protect people who he saw were hurting. That’s what drew him to Sirius so quickly, when eleven year old James Potter had barreled into their lives and brought them and Peter together. James liked runts, he could see it. The scarred up, raggedy little boy, the hurt and abandoned young heir, the emotional little kid who was never quite good enough for anyone. James jumped on them all immediately. He honestly didn’t mind it- it was nice, to have friends, to not be so alone anymore.

But Sirius always seemed to be alone, even when surrounded by friends. Remus pushed his own sadness out- he let his sadness be found in others, he cared for them, let his sadness help him to nurture. Sirius bore his sadness with him. And Sirius was a horribly sad person. He laughed the loudest, hit the hardest, came up with the funniest pranks, shouted easily, and did wonderful and hilarious accents and impressions. But Remus could see the weight that dragged him down- the weight of his sadness. It was the same weight his father had when he came home late every night, when he grabbed his mother and wept openly and grabbed up Remus the moment he stepped within reach, and they all held each other. The weight of sadness was a heavy burden to bear. His father shared it with his mother, he realized one day, watching them eat dinner and laugh about something. That was what kept him going out every morning, and making sure to come home every night. Lyall and Hope Lupin bore one another’s sadness. They shared it when they hugged, when they kissed, when they smiled over Remus’ head or sat down for the telly or ate dinner as a family. Love was what pushed away sadness. Remus had been pushing away sadness with love, too, though he hadn’t realized it. He loved his friends so fiercely that it took away his sadness, the same way his parents took away sadness from one another.

He’d been able to help James and Peter, he believed. Not that James had much sadness in his life. But they were all here, when he did, and his parents were just as loving as Remus’, if not more, so he had little need for extra love in his life. And Peter, he got sad sometimes. His emotions were flighty. He was a bit erratic, but never too so, and he did well to hide it from the others. Besides his natural empathy, Remus could smell people’s emotions on them. An unexpected side effect of lycanthropy, but not one without merit. It never took much with Peter, to get him feeling better. A good part of erratic emotions, he supposed- if Peter could switch from happy to angry or sad quickly, he could switch back even faster. All it took was a few kind words, some shared notes or homework, maybe a chocolate frog or tart, and Peter returned to his happy self. James and Peter both loved so freely, and they all helped one another stay happy. Even if they had fights and such occasionally, the love remained.

Sirius Black did not love freely.

Remus never quite understood why, not at first, at least, but he could feel it. The sorrow Sirius held was like a cage, it trapped him in and allowed no love in or out. Joy could slip through the cracks, anger, excitement, other emotions. But Sirius seemed to deliberately keep love locked up tight. He didn’t want any of it getting out.

When Remus finally understood, what Sirius’ family had done to him, how horribly they had hurt him, the years of torture, he did not feel Sirius’ sadness. He felt his own rage.

He never could have imagined parents could do something like that to their own children. He could never understand how anyone could do something like that to Sirius Black, who, though sad, was still fiery, outspoken, and the strongest person he knew, even stronger than James. Sirius Black was one of the best people he knew.

Sirius didn’t like to talk about his family. Remus didn’t force him to. But he did force him to feel. Let out more than just sadness, have emotions that were more than just short and temporary bursts. They spoke a lot. Soon, they were as close as Sirius was with James- perhaps closer.

Remus Lupin was strong, even as a child. He bore the emotions of others with ease, and though he was a bit dry and rude, he never pushed it farther than he knew people could take. He never hurt anybody, if he could help it.

There was a memory that his mother liked to recall often, when they were sad, when father didn’t come home before it was time for bed. She would sit him on her lap, even though he was far too big for that, too tall and lanky, even at a young age, and she would hold him close and they would close their eyes and she would speak to him.

“I remember,” she would always start, in her soft accent, so that Remus knew what she was going to say, so that he could stop her if it hurt. He never stopped her. “I remember once, when you were only six years old. My little baby boy. It was the night after a full moon, and you were so tired, and so was I. Your daddy had gone out to work, because there was an emergency, one so important that he couldn’t stay. And when you came back to me, turned back into my baby boy, I couldn’t get in the room, ‘cause your daddy locked it up tight, ‘cause he was supposed to be back. He was supposed to be back hours before. He didn’t usually run so late. I sat by the door and I heard you crying. Only six years old, my baby, suffering so much. So much more than anyone ought to, ever.” She was always crying by this point, sniffling quietly, but she never stopped, always pressed on with the story.

“And I called for you, my little baby, but all you could do was cry and cry. You were hurting so bad. And I was hurting hearing you hurt, so I cried too. But when I started crying, you stopped, and I heard you press your little self up to that door. And even though you were suffering, and you were in pain, so much pain, you said to me, ‘Mommy, it’s okay. Don’t cry. I’m strong, like daddy. I can protect you.’” By that point they were usually both crying. Remus hated seeing his mother cry.

“Those were your exact words. I’ll never forget it. And I knew, in that moment, I had given birth to the strongest and the best baby boy there is. So I need you to be strong, baby. Be strong for me, and daddy, and yourself. Be strong for every person you meet who cries and stays out too late and just can’t do what they need to. You hear me? Be strong, my baby boy.”

Sometimes, when things got dark, his mother would still tell him that story. Always roughly the same, always holding him close, even when he was too old to sit in her lap. But his father always came home.

The wolf was strong, too. Remus couldn’t deny that- couldn’t leave out that part of him, try as he might. But their strengths were two different things. The wolf was strong through his rage, his anger at being trapped in such a thin and weak body, through his hunger and his blood lust. The wolf’s strength came from hatred and physical power. Remus was strong through love and care. They were two parts of the same being, a shared strength, but they were far from the same, far from similar.

Remus Lupin was a strong boy. So he would be strong for Sirius, the same way he would one day need to be strong for his parents, the same way he already tried to be strong for everyone.

And he was strong for Sirius. He tried to be, as often as he could. But Sirius surprised him. Sirius was strong for him back.

Remus had more pain than he knew. He had been lonely, so lonely, for so long. He had to be so strong for so many people. For Lily, when she cried to him about some awful thing Snape had said, even though she crawled right back to the creep every time. For James, when the sparkle left his eyes, when things got too tough with the war, and his parents. They were old. They got sick easily. But James had a lot of love, and his parents were strong, too. He was strong for Peter, when he got into his moods or felt left out by the others. He was strong for Mary, when she got hexed by some people for being muggleborn, and by others for being foreign and black. He got similar treatment, being a half-blood and just as dark, but it was never the same. He was born in England. And he was stronger than her. He was strong for Marlene, who was always so gentle and kind, but who so rarely got the treatment she gave. Remus Lupin was strong for many people.

Remus was a lonely boy, even with his friends. He never really realized it. He was always giving up some part of himself, being the strongest he could be for everyone. But, he never had anyone doing the same back. At least, not quite the same. James loved them, he knew, so strongly. Loving someone wasn’t the same as being strong for them. Just as good, just as powerful, but not the same. Remus and Mary were strong together, as they had to be, but their strength was given to everyone around them, not just one another. Peter wasn’t strong. Peter was a good man, but he had never been strong. That’s why he needed the marauders so badly, and they were just enough for him. Lily was only able to be strong for herself. She needed it more than anyone, he supposed, and never blamed her. Marlene’s strength was quiet and fleeting, always a bit shy to show itself, but she only loaned it out when she felt she needed to. He didn’t want to ask that of her.

So he was still lonely. He was alone in his strength, in giving it so freely to his friends. He needed more, he never realized.

Sirius Black was strong for Remus.

He was never quite the same, with others. A bit careless with James, because he knew he had plenty of strength, and a bit sharp with Peter, because they never quite got along. But Remus was a special case, he supposed. With Remus, Sirius was strong.

Sirius’ strength was an intimate thing. If it was ever granted to anyone else, Remus didn't know. It wasn’t his business, really. Sirius was not his to own. But he seemed to be Sirius’.

With Sirius, he wept. He shared his darkest thoughts, some of his deepest secrets, his resentments and his longings. He also shared his laughter, most freely, and his joy and tears of happiness, and his snide remarks and sarcastic comments. He shared the best and worst of him with Sirius, and reserved the rest for everyone else. They were close. They were the best of friends.

They were better than that, Remus supposed, finally being drawn from his thoughts. His eyes fluttered a bit- it was late, later than any of them tended to stay up. In the darkness, he could see a mop of dark black hair in front of his face, and a warmth settled over him. Sighing sleepily, Remus tightened his arms around Sirius, nestling his face into his neck as he finally began to drift.

Once Sirius began to love, he loved so fiercely. It was all Remus could do to return his love. Hugging Sirius close, he was glad for the life he had lived, even with all the pain they shared. Without this life, without the strength he shared, he would never have loved James and Peter, and come to love Sirius in a way he could never love anyone else.

Even with his friends, he had been lonely. There had always been something missing.

With Sirius, he wasn’t so lonely anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had a lot harder of a time understanding Remus than Peter so this is definitely rougher and a bit more all over the place than the last chapter. Let me know what you think.


	3. Love {James}

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There are lots of things that James Potter is certain of. He's brilliant at quidditch, he has the best parents, and Hogwarts Christmases always have the best beef roast. But the thing he's most sure of: James Potter knows more about love than anyone he's ever met.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW mentions of homophobia.

James Fleamont Potter bloody  _ loved _ Lily Evans. There was not a doubt in his mind. From the moment he laid eyes on her, he knew- that was the woman he was going to marry one day. Of course, it was a bit quick for marriage, seeing as they were only eleven when they met, but still. One day, she would be his. He was already her’s, after all, so it was only fair.

It wasn’t that she was pretty or anything- mind you, she very much was, and he quite believed her to be the most beautiful girl he had ever laid eyes on. But it was also who she was that drew him in, that made him know she was the one. It was hard, at first, to get to know her. She was prickly, a goody-goody who wanted nothing to do with him or his outcast friends. Except for Remus- she’d always liked Remus, and she got on decently with Peter sometimes. Remus got on well with everyone, and Peter was quite agreeable when he wanted to be. James was never jealous, though. She would come to love him back, in her own time.

He never tried to push too hard, or come off any stronger than was comfortable. Of course, he knew they were meant to be, but he figured she ought to have a say in it as well. It was her life, too, after all. If she didn’t want to spend it with someone she was always calling a childish tosser, that was her business. She would come around eventually, though. He felt it, in his chest. He always had a sixth sense for love. He felt it so strongly growing up, that he could practically see it in others. Hell, he’d noticed Remus and Sirius starting to love each other before either of them had even been close to realizing. Never had a problem with it, of course. He knew better than anyone: who you love is who you love, and there’s nothing more to it.

But, back to Lily. Eventually, he got to know her. It was from a distance, at first. Try as he might, she never quite let him close, never quite liked him enough to be his friend. But he saw, when she was with Remus or making polite conversation with Peter, or else hanging out with Mary and Marlene in the common room or halls. He saw through her prickly, goody-two-shoes facade. She was sweet, and loving, and very sensitive, though most people could’ve told you all that. He never asked other people what she was like- he liked seeing it for himself. He like when she let these little parts of herself out, allowed him to see her for who she was, bit by bit. More than anything else, she was brave, and loyal. Painfully so. She’d go to hell and back for her friends, even if it was her friends putting her through it. He’d seen more than enough of that with her and Snape, that slimey, no-good git. It pained him to see what Snivellus put her through. That was the only place he ever really allowed himself to overstep into her life, to force himself where he wasn’t wanted. He wanted so badly to protect her from Snape. The greasy little snake was so cruel, to everyone, not just Lily. Their sort of ‘feud’, if you could call it that, started the very first year they both came to Hogwarts.

James liked taking care of people, like his parents took care of him. His first thing at Hogwarts was to seek out the people who needed love the most, and he’d ended up with Sirius, Remus, and Peter. And he loved them dearly. He loved them like no other- save Lily, perhaps. But that was a special love, reserved only for her. The marauders had their own special love, too, but he did not have a limited supply. He loved everyone who needed it. He watched out for other kids, anyone who may fall victim to hate or bullying. And that, of course, is how he made enemies with Snape.

Snape was vile right from the beginning. He constantly mocked and hexed other kids, calling them awful words, never without someone bigger and stronger than him around. James felt the need to protect these kids, even if they were his own age, so he did. And Snape took that as a personal challenge, he supposed. James was never one to back down from a challenge. He only ever struck first when the marauders were in agreement, or if Snape had been particularly nasty, but the rest of the times he fought Snape were in self defense, or in defense of anyone being targeted by him. Lily, despite being his only friend, was often targeted by him. James supposed proximity and her ease at forgiving and forgetting made her an easy target. It made him sick to think about.

So that was where he overstepped his bounds. Protecting Lily, even if she hated him for it and couldn’t see the awful things Snape was doing. She could see, he knew, she just didn’t want to. That was okay. It was good that she was forgiving, he was a right sod half the time, anyways.

Loving Lily Evans took a lot of work and energy from James. He neglected his friends a bit, after a while, he knew, in that department. Peter grew a bit distant, a bit jealous. Sirius and Remus grew closer.

James Potter thought love was the most beautiful thing in the world, right up there next to Lily Evans. He also knew it was fragile, especially when new and fresh, especially with people who didn’t quite understand it, and especially when it was something forced to be hidden.

Remus started loving Sirius first. James could tell- he could always tell, with love. He didn’t think Remus would ever realize it, because Remus simply loved all of his friends. But the love Remus felt for Sirius was different. It was something new, something more magical than any spells, like the love he felt for Lily. It blossomed slowly, a lot like Remus himself, and James could feel it grow. He couldn’t feel the sorrow that accompanied it as Remus grew closer to realizing, but he knew it was there. Love hurt, a lot. He also knew that better than anyone. But Remus was in a love that he couldn’t have, even if it was returned, so he supposed they knew pain equally.

Remus was fully aware of the love before Sirius’ even started. James liked it, being so close to his friends, being so in touch with how they felt that way. But it was awful to watch Remus suffer, draw into himself. He worried that Remus thought his love was wrong. No love was ever wrong, James wanted to tell him. Love is beautiful and pure, no matter who it’s for or from. Even if you’re both blokes. But that wasn’t something that really came up in casual conversation, and James had at least a bit of tact. It also would have been mortifying if James was wrong- but he knew he wasn’t.

When Sirius fell in love, it was like a fireball. Quick, sudden, and dangerous, just like Sirius himself. But also warm, lingering, almost thoughtful. If Remus treated all love freely except his love with Sirius, then Sirius did the exact opposite. He dove into his love, let it consume him completely. He had been afraid, James knew. But he could talk to Sirius more freely than he could Remus. Sirius confided in him, and they were close. Not as close as Sirius and Remus, anymore. Close in a different way. They were best friends, before anyone else, even before Lily and Remus. Remus was a lot more willing of a best friend to them than Lily, though.

Sirius didn’t understand his love, at first. He was scared of it. He told James as much. He’d never known real love, not like this. And wasn’t love not supposed to be like this? Ought he have been in love with a girl, instead of a bloke? Sirius just couldn’t wrap his head around it, two blokes together. It wasn’t allowed. It wasn’t right, he had been told, but they both knew he had been told lots of wrong things.

James was patient with him. He was kind and careful, and above all, he was loving. Not the love like Sirius and Remus shared, or like he and Lily would one day have, but the kind of love you needed from a friend. He helped Sirius understand that there was nothing wrong with him, that you just couldn’t help love. It did what it wanted. Like with him and Lily. Sirius, though placated about his own love, feared Remus’. He didn’t know what it was like to have such a powerful, unconditional sort of love. That was the exact kind of love James had given him, though. Not quite the same, but strong, unconditional, shameless, limitless. Sirius was hard to love, but so easy to fall in love with. Though James knew Lily was the only person for him, only one there ever would be, the love he felt for his friends was so strong and deep that it may as well have been the same.

“Friendship,” James had said to him one night, “is the most powerful love of all. ‘Cause friendship doesn’t expect anything of you but to return it. No matter what, You and Rem will always be friends. And I will always be here for you.”

Sirius had called him a soppy git after that one, but he could tell it made him feel a million times better.

Remus never came to James. Remus was one to figure out problems on his own, or with a bit of help with Sirius. This wasn’t a problem he could go to Sirius for. It hurt seeing Remus suffer. It hurt that he couldn’t help more, couldn’t interfere with love.

Eventually, it happened, though. The two came together. He didn’t know how, right away, but he caught on fast, even as they tried to hide it. It was good for everyone- their friends were tired of all the uncomfortable tension and fleeting glances, and the like. It was nice that they'd finally gotten together. 

There was nothing in the world James loved more than love. Except, Lily Evans.

His endless attempts to woo her would stay just that- endless. Until he won her over, at least. He would try as long as he could, without being a creeper, without violating her privacy or respect or autonomy. Because loving someone was never meant to be selfish. Loving someone meant giving yourself to them, regardless of whether or not they were going to offer anything back. He’d given himself to Lily long ago. James Potter was patient, as he was loving. One day, Lily would return the favor, and give herself to him. Or perhaps it was not to be, and she would simply return him to himself- not without keeping a piece, though. Love always left bits and pieces here and there. He saw parts of himself in Sirius, and Remus, and Peter, and he saw them in each other. Lily would always have the biggest part of him, though. She would always have his heart, and he would never, ever be willing to take it back. That was hers, no matter what. Even if he had to go on without it.

But he knew he wouldn’t. He’d marry Lily one day, he swore it. Every time that flash of red hair caught his eye, like a warning flag, his heart would pound, and he would always grin and shout after her.

“Oi, Evans!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I haven't read a lot of marauders fics but I know it's common for James to be homophobic and whew chile the ghetto... if any of the marauders were homophobic it would probably be Sirius or Peter. Sirius because of his upbringing, and Peter just seems like he would be a "just don't hit on me" kind of guy at first.


	4. Prank {Lily}

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lily Evans has had enough of the marauders terrorizing everyone. But, if it's genuinely all in good fun, is it really terrorizing?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have not proof read this at all. I may come back and edit it later.  
> I wrote this while struggling to figure out how to address Lily being trans and also while struggling to characterize her, so it's very rough.
> 
> CW it is mentioned that Lily is trans but outside of the story as like a side note

It wasn’t that Lily Evans didn’t like a bit of fun. Pranks and mischief could be lovely, if done in good humor and without  _ too much _ ill intent. But the pranks that the ‘marauders’, as they so shamelessly called themselves, always got up to left a bitter taste in her mouth.

She worked very hard to justify her aversion. They were cruel to Snape, who was her friend, and often the butt of their jokes and pranks. However, he was cruel right back, and usually cruel first, so that justification never quite worked. They also had a tendency to target Slytherins as a whole, when it was only a few handfuls of them who ever really caused any trouble. Of course, with the war mounting, and slytherins generally being a house of purebloods, the tension and association was there, but the slytherins had to deal with the war just as much as everyone else.

In any case, not a single person who knew her would’ve been surprised at her adamance to stop whatever prank the four marauders were so clearly planning. The only thing that was a bit surprising, really, was James Potter’s willingness to share almost every detail of it.

Before this story continues, it is worth noting that Lily Evans was not always called Lily Evans. When she was younger, before she was comfortable with herself and able to explore and discover all possibilities, she was assigned the incorrect role of being a ‘male’. Because everyone has been made aware of that mistake, she will be addressed accurately and respectfully in this story, despite the fact that she used different pronouns and a different name when this story took place.

James Potter and his attraction to Lily Evans were never impacted by this. He cared about who she was as a person, nothing beyond that. His main concern that the last name ‘Evans’ would one day be changed to ‘Potter’. He was a bit more subtle about it before she transitioned, as it was the 70s, but he was still completely shameless in his constant flirting. Lily, of course, rebuffed every one of his advances, even for a while after transitioning.

As it was, the marauders had a plan. Lily was set to stop it.

“I know you lot are planning something awful to do to the slytherins again! Tell me what it is.”

Lily had not taken much tact in her approach. She could have gone about it more subtly, maybe wheedled the information out of them, but she was far too impatient for that. Especially with James, who no doubt would see right through that.

The four boys had been murmuring and laughing in the corner of the common room that they had claimed as their own. They all looked up at the sound of her voice. The conversation halted, but no one except James seemed at all bothered by the intrusion. James seemed the exact opposite of bothered, if anything. A cool smirk played at Sirius’ lips, and he addressed her first.

“You want in on the prank, Evans? Finally proving yourself as a real gryffindor?”

“Taking us up on our offer to let you be one of us?” James chimed in hopefully, his eyes never leaving her face and his voice a bit dreamy.

Peter snickered. “Hell, James, did someone slip you amortentia?”

“You’re drooling.” Remus added helpfully.

“Oh, shut it, all of you.” Lily interrupted before they could get caught up in themselves once again. “I don’t want to join your stupid bullying club. I want to know your plan so I can  _ stop _ you, obviously, or at least warn everyone.”

She expected that to take some of the humor out of them, but no one seemed at all bothered. Sirius and Remus shared a look. Peter spoke up.

“Why would we tell you anything if you’re going to stop it? That’s a bit dumb.”

“Don’t call her dumb.” James snapped before Lily could respond, and Peter shrunk a bit, murmuring an apology.

“I’ll tell you about it if you go on a date with me.” James said hopefully.

“No.” Lily immediately turned to leave. She could just figure it out on her own, then, or with Snape. Maybe Mary and Marlene could help, they often had enough patience to deal with those four. She didn’t need them to tell her anything. She’d stop them on her own.

“Hey, Evans, wait!” James’ voice stopped her, and she turned back. He muttered something to the other boys. Sirius gave him an exasperated look, but then he said something else that made all three boys look eager. All of them except Potter ran off, saying goodbyes to Lily as they passed her on their way out of the common room.

“I’ll tell you our plan.” James said. Lily frowned.

“I don’t want to make some weird deal with you.”

“No deal. I’m just gonna tell you. Unless you don’t care anymore. Or you wanna join us.” His lips quirked in a grin.

Turning her nose up, Lily crossed her arms and sat down on the couch. “Fine. Tell me. But don’t be surprised when I stop you.”

James joined her on the couch, respectfully leaving space between them.

“Would suck if you stopped this prank, cause I think it’s a really good one.” His eyes gleamed with excitement as he spoke, and Lily resisted the urge to be drawn in and excited along with him.

When she didn’t say anything, he began explaining.

“So, right. See, the other day, well really a few weeks ago, Sirius was messing with his hair and kept complaining about it and trying out spells. Wanted to make it shinier, a bit longer, y’know how he is. But his arm’s gone a bit wrong, because of, um,” James hesitated, panic flashing over his face, “because of a quidditch accident.”

Lily wondered what had actually happened to Sirius’ arm, but decided it was best not to ask. She’d heard enough rumors about his family to have a good guess, and it made her sad to think about. She was pulled out of her thoughts when James continued.

“Anyways, his arm was wonky, so his casting was a bit off. His hair ended up bright pink. Obviously he panicked, and started spelling it like crazy. He only made it worse. It started changing all sorts of colors at once!” James eyes twinkled with humor, and he laughed a bit. Lily fought back a smile at the image that popped up in her head of Sirius Black with a rainbow on his head, panicking about his precious hair.

“So, anyways, Remus got him sorted with a bit of work, we all had a laugh, but then he also had an idea.” James glanced around to make sure no one was listening, and then leaned in a bit. Lily found herself leaning in as well.

“Remus and Peter worked a bit while Sirius washed his hair a dozen times to make sure it was fixed. They figured out how to replicate the spell. And then they got the colors to change- tested it a few times before we got it down. So, right at the start of dinner, we’re gonna spell all of the slytherins and make their hair red and gold!” James laughed, finally sitting back. “It’ll be brilliant, won’t it? All of them showing off gryffindor pride. And if they can’t figure out the counter, it can just be washed out. So no real harm. Just a bit of fun. Though, the washing bit may make things a bit difficult for your friend Snivellus. Doesn’t look like he ever washes his hair.”

Lily frowned, her mind working. The prank really was rather harmless. Still, she doubted she would have appreciated having her hair changed like that. She couldn’t find any real reason why the prank was so bad, or worth the effort, of stopping, so instead she said, “Don’t call Severus that.”

“You like the prank, don’t you?” James grinned at her, bouncing a bit with excitement. “You can, don’t worry. I won’t tell anyone that miss goody-two-shoes Evans can laugh every once in a while.”

Lily bit down the smile that tried to rise, instead settling for a haughty look.

“It’s still quite rude.”

“They can get over it. So? Still going to try to stop us?”

Lily hesitated. It really wasn’t as bad as she had expected. “I’ll still try to warn them.”

She looked down at James as she stood, but his gaze went past her. Following his eyes, she looked at the clock on the wall.

“Too late.”

Right as he spoke, Sirius, Remus, and Peter all burst into the common room, laughing and panting.

“Bloody hell, James, you gotta come see this!” Sirius was laughing hardest.

Lily whipped around to face James, who joined their laughter. Noticing her expression, he gave her a sheepish grin.

“Sorry, Evans. Had to distract you in case you ruined things.”

Damn. They were far too clever for anyone’s good. She silently scolded herself for falling for it, and for getting too drawn into James’ storytelling to notice.

“You tosser.” She pushed her anger at herself outwards, but it did little to subdue the marauder’s joy.

“Come off it, Evans, just a bit of fun. You didn’t enjoy talking to Jameseypoo?” Sirius threw his arm around Lily’s shoulder, and she immediately shrugged it off.

“Sod off.”

“Language, Evans.” Remus was laughing at her far more openly, but he was the only one of them who could get away with it.

She offered a challenging smile, seeing the humor in everything despite her bitterness.

“You’re one to talk. You’ve said swears I’ve never even heard before meeting you.”

Remus blushed a bit as the attention was turned to him, but his grin was shameless.

“Come on,” Peter interrupted everyone, “James, Evans if you want, you gotta see before they all fix themselves!”

The four boys rushed back towards the door, but not before James paused and looked back at her.

“Coming, Evans?”

“It’s cruel and unusual punishment that you’re inflicting upon all those people, you know.”

He shrugged and carried on, leaving her alone in the common room. After a moment of hesitation, she chased after them.

“Wait up!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like she may have been very uppity and single-minded in her youth but grew out of it as she aged? Still work-shopping it. There will probably be a lot more fics about her while I work everything out.


End file.
